miss my sis in my bday..!

hari ni hari lahir aku yg ke 19 thn...  aq da besar da upe nyw.. hehe

aku na story ngan korang semua.... yg aq rindu sgt kat akak aku.. da 2 minggu x jumpa die.. hurm..tambah lagi hari ni bday aq... aq na sgt die ade kat samping aq skrg ni.. aq miss sgt kat die... setiap kali hari lahir aku je... die pasti ade ngan aku.. xtau la mcm mne leh jd cam ni tah.. die x de ngan aq kali ni.. aq sedih sgt.. aq x harap kan ape2 sgt utk bday aq kali ni.. yg aku na just my family with me in this special day... aku na keluarga aq ade ngan aku je hari ni.. xp aq sedikit sedih.. sbb skrg pun aq dok sorang2 je.. x rase cam bday je.. bpak aq kje balek kul 10.30 mlm nty... mak aq lak kje blek kul 5ptg nty pas2 die da la puasa.. hurm.. mesti letih kan.. then akakn abg aku pun x de .... smua bz... it's ok... aq paham.. x kan la semata2 utk aq dorang na balek sini kan.. hehe.. even aq x dpt adiah ape2 dr family aq... aq bersyukur sgt sbb aq masih ade family utk wish aq utk bday thn ni.. aq arap thn depan n thn yg akan dtg family aq akan ade dgn aq jugak.. mak n bpak aq bg surat.. abg n akak bg wish dr phone n fb.. kawan2 aq pun bg wish.. mai bg durian.. hahha.. sedap sgt durian tuh,.. da abis da pun aq mkn. hehe. pas2 bpak anis bg  aq coklat ferero rosher... n duit RM 20.. terharu aq... huhuhu... teacher faridzah lak bg aq buku kecik.. then apiza bg aq poster n pic super junior.. suke2 sgt.. hehe thx sgt2 kat korang.. kte org siap main air lagi td kat skola.. cam org gile dah td,... malu je.. nasib baik rizal x de.. hahha...xp ape org na ckp.. ckp la.. aq x kesah.. bkn dorang yg bg mkn kat aq... yg penting aq happy dan lagi penting org yg ade ngan aq pun happy... that's what i want.. hhehe,,   but i really feel like want to cry.. hurm.. miss my sis badly... i hope so much i can see her 2day.. huhu... i love my family n friends.. just that in my life.. i dont have anythings then they all.. love u all.. thanks for happy bday wish... i'm so glad. ^^

yell to my fellin' (dont understand my own self) ma prob!

i dont know why.. i keep hate this part of my life.. i keep yell to my self... i just cant say how my felling by a words now!  i really feel so sad n so worry about this world ryte noe.. i'm so tired with this all.. i feel like i dont hav any of it..!  i really want to be a good daughter to ma mom n papa but.. sometimes i cant make it for real... i really dissapointed to my self..i hate to be a moody person.. that's all really bother my relationship with other... thats make me not comfortable.. i always hope for somethings more than i hav.. that is so shit about me! i really want to change it noe... i hav many things more to do in this world.. i just cant be like this.. i just cant give up noe... ! but i dont know y..  sometimes i really feels hate everyone in my life... this happen bcuz i never love my self truthly in my whole life... i really hate ma self like this.. i cannot do anythings at all.. i just like trash! i cant make people smile either happy in there life.. i just make them all sad.. thats only what i can do.. but i really trying to do somethings that can make them happy... i not pretty and i'm not a clever person either... i just make my friends  n family in trouble... i really want to run for this all. i hope i can go somewhere that no one  can find me... i want to learn more about the life.. i want to know n understand the world to,so no one can lie n  make me like rubbish.. then i want to make new life with new friends n a new heart.. n just forget about all the past n make thats all as my momory of living by hating my own self.. noww... i cant understand my own world... this all really make me so sad when somethings i never ever predict happen towords my self...i accept all this but i am  not happy.. i can lie to everyone but not to my own self..! even i laughing n singing with happiness in front of u all but thats not what the real of my fellin.. only my self can noe this.. but i cant understand my self...
i so longlai type.. so this make everyone take my self easy... i so soft hearted now.. but this will make me dont comfortable.. but i cant be a  hot n full of anger person.. cuz i am not like tht....! damn confuse abt my self.. haishh... what the hack is this???  really terrible... i want to make everythings over now..! can i start a new life? do i still capable to do this? can i?? shit...!!!!! hate this all...!i really dont want to be fuckin' bad person but it's really funckin when someone make my self like the shit hell trash..!  i dant know what to do now.... huhuhuhuhu.... please dont force my self be like this....  shikin stay strong please...! stay up! remember ALLAH swt and u family member....  huhu

sambungan problem ku.!

lepas tamat je perbarisan tuh.. aq agak kehausan dan kepenatan.. aq teros gi rehat.. hati aq rase x senang.. xp aq just bt x tau je. go on my life like nothing happen.... boleh kwn aq ckp aq kawat mcm gi chopping.. haishh.. sabo je la.. haha.. xp ngan die aq x kesah pun.. x ambil serius pun sbb memang btol pun ape kate die...hahaha then ade org ni ckp kat aq.... klu die jd bdak2 pteri islm tu.. die pun x respect aq sbb aq ni lembut n ckp slow2. aq bkn terasa la kan.. aq terima ape yg die ckp tuh...ni la yg dinamakan kwn, ckp je la cam tu kan.. xp aq just rase geram ngan  diri aq je... aq rase aq nie memang x boleh harap langsung..aq x patut jd pengerusi.! ape bleh bt.. da aq da jd pngerusi kan...  i keep thinking about 2moro, yesterday and the day after 2moro.. i can do or not? how? what will happen? this all so damn shit. aq get confuse tht time.. i dont trust my self.. i start to worry but it's ok.. then my form6 member said that there don't want to take a part in the perbarisan 2moro.. i feel so alone tht time.. my frend all just live me like that. i cannot live like tht cuz i am pengerusi n i so pity to my pteri islam teacher. ckg suhaila ade byk kje lagi yg kne bt.. da la die ade maigrain... klu jd pape susah la plak..  im not use to be leader...  i just can be assistant only.. cuz i x cukop brave n dont hav a confident to my self.. aq cube na lari dr perbarisan tu but rase bersalah la plak.. aq da sebak da.. sbb aq rse tugas yg aq pikul terlalu berat sgt.. da la aq tngah risau pasal kolukium aq tu.. aq n malisa kne present  hari khamis ni.. mcm mne na bt elok2 klu asyik sibok ngan ni je kan.. haishh.. oatak da bercelaru.!pas2.. aq amik tindakan utk jumpa ngan ckg suhaila but aq x sampai ati.. aq suruh ida n aten je jumpa.. aq tggu luar bilik guru.. then aq nmpak ckg naza.. ckg QM  kte org.. then aq bincang ngan die.. die suruh aq gi jumpa ckg suhaila,. aq pun gi la bilik guru utk cari ida n aten but dorang x de.. aq terpandang ckg suhaila then aq tros gi kuar.. pas2 aq bt keputusan utk berbincang ngan die.. then.. ckg ckp kat aq.. " da benci ke tngok muke ckg shikin?" aq rse bersalah sgt.. then aq tros gi duduk kat kerusi ckg tu then berbincang... time ngah berbicang aq rse  sebakk sgt2... then aq tros nangis kat sane.. ckg mcm terkejut n cian je kat aq.. ckg pujuk aq.. then aq ckp la kat ckg aq tertekan.. bdak2 pteri islm mesti benci kat aq kan.. aq try na be friend ngan dorang.. bkn na berlembut2.. but dorang bt aq cam papan lak..sikit2 aq.. sikit2 aq.. tension la aq cam ni.. aq sabar je la. but x tahan la klu cam ni je.. then aq rse cam na demam da ni.. then tekak aq rse cam sakit... mybe aq try jerit2 kot td.. so, ckg ckp kte cari la kp yg lain esok.. ckg ckp klu esok x ckop org.. die akan pnggil gak aq.. huuhu.. aq berharap sgt esok cukop org then smua berjalan dgn lancar.. i wonder... what will happen 2moro?? hurm.. huuuh ade org ckp aq ni cam manja gedik la.. aq ni ikot perasaan sgt la, terlalu emo... aq bkn emo sgt xp aq x suke bt somethings yg aq memang x suke na bt.. aq benci jd sesuatu yg bkn aq. even aq form 6 pun... aq still manusia biase.. aq da rase malas na bercakap sgt skrg ni.. maybe sebab aq makin dewasa...aq lebih suke bersendirian..  aq rasa lebih baik aq yg bersendiri drpd  org lain yg membuat aq rasa bersendirian...

my bad day.!

Hari ini merupakan hari yg pling aq x suke... kat skolah aq ade hari sukan pd ari jumaat ni.. so, kne bt perbarisan..  aq ni bkn org yg jenis suke sukan2 nie... QM x pe la aq bleh trima lg but klu na masuk sukan2 ni memang susah la.. unit beruniform aq puteri islam dan aq adalah pengerusi ptri islam..sblm ni ckg pteri islam aq ckp aq x perlu masuk pun x pe.. die mintak aq cari kan org2 utk perbarisan ni je but tibe2 td ckg kate upper 6 tak dikecualikan dlm perbarisan ni. aduyai....! ape nih?? aq da pening.. aq bertungkus lumus cari kan budak2 pteri islm sebab aq x mau masuk.. tbe2 je ckg suruh msuk gak.. aq bkn nye suke sgt kuar kelas gi jln2 sana sini.. xp aq terpasksa kuar.. time aq na kuar td masa ckg yusuf.. die suke bising sbb kte ni slalu x dtg la, x msuk kelas la n mcm2 ag.aq malas la na kuar klas td.. pas2 aq takot klu aq kne sound plak ngan ckg amir kang.. so anis pun minx la kebenaran ckg.. ckg yusof mcm x ikhlas je suruh aq kuar.. hurm.. sedih giler... pas2 aq ke padang segera.. memang panas giler... aq x de pengalaman pasal berkawat2 ni.. mcm mne la aq na conduct bdak2 tuh.. adoyy! da la bdak2 tu x bg kerjasama lngsung. matilah aq.. xp x try tabahkan diri aq.. pas2 ckg amir nak 3 org kat dpn.. 1. utk pegang bendera, 2. utk pgang sepanduk, 3. ketua pasukan (KP). lpas tu aq x tau cam ne... dorang smo pndang aq time ckg tnye kp.. then memang x bleh dielakkan. aq pun tros la gi jd kp.. aq ingat kp ni biase2 je.. but kp memang giler la... ckg amir jmpe semua kp.. then die terangkan pasal tugas kp.   aq da mengelabah da time tu.. aq x brape na paham sgt pasal yg ckg ckp..aq rase tugs kp memang berat.. aq rse cam kne bertanggungjwab sgt.. aq da mule risau n gentar.pas2 kp jugak kne bg koman kat bdak2 tu.. kne jerit kuat2 lak tu.. aq mne la bleh.. suare aq x leh kuat sgt la.. aq x biase bg koman smo.. xp aq try bt yg terbaik... aq x paham but aq gi tnye bdak2 pempuan KRS tu tnpa rasa malu.. bdak tu pun ckp cam tuh je then blah.. bkn na terang kan sikit.. haishh.. pening2.. dlm kpala otak aq time tu " boleh ke aq pimpin dorang ni??" dan " boleh ke aq bg koman kuat2 ni? mcm mne na bg koman? dorang dngar ke?" dan aq berharap sgt ckg amir x mengamok ngan pteri islm.. aq tgok n dengar pasukan lain btol2 then aq start kan aq pnye kawat.. aq bantai je.. nasib baek selamat la gak..da la aq ni pemalu.. haishh cam ne la ni..pas2 kne berdiri kat padang kat 1 jam cam tu .. memang panas.. huhu.. abis kulit aq.. bru je na cerah skit. huhu terlepas sdah. ALHAMDULILLAH... dgn nikmat ALLAH s.w.t smua berjln ngan lancar w/pun ade byk yg x btol... aq rase lega but masalah nye timbul selepas tamat nyew raptai perbarisan td.. ape la masalah nyew ye?